Thriving means learning and getting better at things. Moving from being clueless and/or confused to having a sense of what’s going on and a good chance of getting what you want.

A simple and popular description of this process has four phases

  1. unconscious incompetence
  2. conscious incompetence
  3. conscious competence
  4. unconscious competence

Thriving in an important sense is not just mindfulness (in the sense of paying close attention) but unconscious (doing what we wish to do without paying much attention to it). This final stage is sometimes called “mastery”; but that can have a perfectionistic and obsessive feel to it, so I’m sticking with ‘thriving’.


Let’s Look at This Process in Detail
1. Unconscious Incompetence
Once you know that you wish to learn something or get better at something you are already moving out of this stage. You are rapidly on the way to that difficult place of becoming aware of your incompetence. [click to continue…]


Thriving #2 – your habits can help you thrive

September 5, 2014

  Let’s State Upfront That Habits Can Keep You Stuck You can develop habits without realising it. And so you can end up with habits that mean you do the opposite of what you intend to. You mean to get fit but your evening routine means you don’t go for a walk You mean to [...]

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Thriving #1 getting a sense of where you are now

August 29, 2014

  To be thriving in your life you need to know two kinds of things: 1. Who you are – your, needs desires preferences rhythms and so on   2. Where you are – the possibilities and limitations of your situation.   If you don’t know what you like you could be at the world’s [...]

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Update From Evan

August 25, 2014

  This update should probably be titled something like: Hello from Hibernation. Or perhaps, What’s happening in the cocoon? For the moment I have stopped blogging. I’m not entirely sure why but my motivation for it has declined. I’m not feeling negative about blogging or life in general; just that I’ve come to a bit [...]

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What Next #3 shaping your life to your preferences part 2 your preferred process

July 9, 2014

You have a preferred world (outer or inner) and you have a preferred way of responding to it. The two ways of responding to the world (in the language of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator – based on Carl Jung’s Psychological Types) are perceiving and judging. Briefly: Perceiving is watching what happens and Judging is deciding [...]

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What Next #3 shaping your life to your preferences part 1 your preferred world

June 24, 2014

  Eventually, with work and useful support you get to the place where you feel like you have done enough for now. You have a working grasp of how past traumas, successes and learnings have impacted you, and you are ready to focus on the present and future. The previous posts in this series have [...]

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Walking Through Mist

June 18, 2014

Today it is my pleasure to present a guest post from Ken Myers.  I think it is beautifully written and on a very important topic.  Please let Ken know your responses in the comments box at the end of the post.   I am going through a difficult period in my life; a period in [...]

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Approaching the Topic of Moderate Alcohol Use with Family

June 2, 2014

  Today I’m pleased to present a guest post.  As always comments are most welcome.   Bio: The following is a guest post by Saint Jude Retreats, a non-12 step non-treatment alternative to traditional drug and alcohol rehab. The program concentrates on self-directed positive neuroplastic change and positive self-change as an alternative to traditional alcohol [...]

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What’s Next? #2 Individuation – part two

May 21, 2014

A second big approach to answering the question, “What’s next?” is through story. We are all on a journey and so there are common features because it is a journey. The most famous version of this is the Hero(ine)’s Journey. Made popular by Joseph Campbell in The Hero With a Thousand Faces. The common factors [...]

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What’s Next? #2 Individuation – part one, the seed

May 6, 2014

After we have healed and are able to function in the here and now? By ‘functioning in the here and now’ I mean being able to pay attention to what we want to for a reasonable time without having worrying about the future or reminders of the past intrude. This post, like the last one, [...]

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What’s Next? How to Live a Satisfying Life

April 29, 2014

Much of self development is about healing. This is hugely important and absolutely essential. Most of us most of the time live our lives ruled by an eight year old (ourselves at that age); the results are all around us – and they are not pretty. Healing past trauma means we can live lives far [...]

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