To be thriving in your life you need to know two kinds of things:

1. Who you are – your,

  • needs
  • desires
  • preferences
  • rhythms

and so on


2. Where you are – the possibilities and limitations of your situation.


If you don’t know what you like you could be at the world’s best buffet and still not enjoy yourself. This is one sort of problem.

You may know the food you like but know how to find that buffet. That’s a different sort of problem. And it has a different feel to it.


So distinguishing these two dimensions of life can help you understand how you’re feeling and where to focus your efforts so you can really thrive. Perhaps a good word to describe you not knowing yourself is “confusion”. And a good word for your experience when you don’t have a clear idea of the situation you are in would be “frustration”.



Assessing How Well You Know Yourself and Your Situation

Here are some questions to get a better handle at how you are doing on each dimension. (You can score them 1-5 if this helps to be clearer. These are just meant to be thought starters.)


Knowing Yourself

  • I know what foods I like and generally eat them.
  • I get the right amount of sleep for me most nights.
  • I know what I need in a relationship.
  • I know what I have to offer to a relationship.
  • I have a sense of ‘what I am here to do’, even if what it is doesn’t take up a big part of my life.

Having thought about this would you say that overall you know yourself hardly at all to a little or quite well?

Knowing Your Situation

  • The spaces I live in feel right to me.
  • I have a sense of what I can change and what I can’t about my main relationships.
  • I am clear on what my frustration is about (or frustrations are about).
  • The way I do things normally gets me what I need.

Having thought about this would you say your understanding of your current situation is generally poor or usually good?


Combining these two dimensions with you end up with four possibilities.

  1. Low on both dimensions = confused and frustrated
  2. Low on self knowledge and high on knowing your situation = confused and flowing
  3. High on self knowledge and low on knowing your situation = clear and frustrated
  4. High on both dimensions = thriving


Take a moment to consider how you are doing. Perhaps you are thriving and maybe want to try out something or make some tweaks. If you are somewhere else consider which dimension you think needs work. Then consider: Is there one easy thing I can do to make a positive change there?


Any and all comments and questions are most welcome.


Next February I plan to start a self development mega course to teach how to thrive.  Details about it in the previous post.  If you are interested let me know in the comments or in some other way.



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