Image by Wolfgang Staudt
Today is a guest post by Nacie. It is her own story about getting free of the life she hated and living a life of authenticity. It is also superbly written. Enjoy!
I will always remember the year 2008 as the demolition year of my life. A dramatic and enigmatic claim, you might say, but it is true. 2008 was the year of internal demolition.
In January, I received a position promotion and was happily working 9-5 at a financial software company, blissfully unaware of the growing internal discord. In February, I started to notice that something just didn’t feel quite right, and by March it felt like a bomb had gone off inside my mind: I was completely, utterly, and hopelessly unhappy.
I was living a life I hated, and the worst part was I had created my hell with eyes wide open. Instead of following my dream of becoming a writer after college, I had chosen to work in a field that held no interest for me solely for the high pay and great benefits – this is what they call selling out. I willingly gave up my authentic dreams and passions for a nicer apartment, nicer clothes, and the promise of a lifetime of nicer stuff.
I lied and tried to convince myself and the people around me that I was interested in finance, excited about commuting into the big city, and ready to work for a corporation. But after six months of trying to repress my unhappiness, it finally exploded out of control. I hated my job for keeping me from doing what I loved, I resented my newly incurred bills and rent for chaining me to my salary, and I hated myself for giving up who I was for more money. How did I get so far off course that I let this happen?
Demolition.
With what sense I had left, I formulated an escape plan, saved my pennies, (another story for another time) and quit my job in September to become a self-employed freelance writer. While it was a step in the right direction, it didn’t clean up the internal destruction – it just put a little caution tape around it.
The past few months have been one continuous exercise in sifting through the emotional rubble, trying to remember who I am (pre-selling out, of course!) and what is important to me. I have to admit that the most challenging part of this process is not the reconstruction effort, it is fending off the other architects. Everyone has an idea about who you should be. Family, friends, spouses, and even strangers feel like they have a duty to help you shape yourself through positively or negatively reinforcing your actions. If you have a personality like mine, that aims to please, the judgments of other people can be very dangerous during the formative process.
Authenticity is the goal – discovering who you are and not who other people want you to be. As a reminder to myself and a resource for others on the same path, I created my website, The Life Uncommon. In my definition, an uncommon life is a life that dares to be its own, forge its own path, and write its own ending. This is the life I want for myself, and I am committed to making it happen, even though I know it won’t be easy.
I am really excited as I look ahead to 2009 – a new year, a new start. While demolition was the word for 2008, I realize though it was painful it was a necessary step in the growing process. Like shedding skin, cleaning out closets, and getting rid of the junk, demolition is making way for a realer, more genuine version of myself, and that is worth the chaos and destruction.
Because 2009 will be the year of authenticity, and I have a feeling it will be a very good year.
Nacie is the founder of The Life Uncommon (www.thelifeuncommon.net), a blog and community that focuses on lifestyle design, personal development, and vocational satisfaction. She has published an ebook on the practical pursuit of authenticity called, “The Life Uncommon: How to Leave the Rat Race, Pursue Your Passions, and Succeed Financially.” Please visit The Life Uncommon for more information and to download a copy.
No related posts.
Join my weekly newsletter focusing on topics of personality and relationships. Also get "The 10 Day Experience to Living Authentically" Learn More
What a great story of hope and inspiration. It is so easy to lose sight of our dreams. Living an emotionally empty life with no financial worries is no solution.
It is good to take time to reflect on our world. Is it all that we had envisioned? Are we at peace with how we live? Are we contributing to others and ourselves? Will we, or do we, have regrets that could have or should be resolved?
Thanks for your comment Dano.
I was reading over your site and like what I saw. I just wanted to say keep up the good work.
i know what you mean by the other architects. when i was in a situation like that, that was supplemented by the most dangerous architect – the one inside that believed bits and pieces of what those outside voices said, and tried her best to nudge me into those directions. it took me a long time to give her another job!
i’m excited about visiting your site, nacie!
Thanks Jenny, I’m glad you like my site, welcome to my blog.
Hi Isabella, welcome back.
Nice post. Thank you for the info. Keep it up.
Hi Tim,
Glad you liked it.
Nacie, your move is really inspiring. It must have taken lots of courage.
Evan, I’m interested in what Nacie said, “authentic life is the goal”
It’s good to aim for authentic life. But we need to always remember not going towards self-centered life as well.
My 2-cents =)
Robert
Nacie,
Congratulations on your year of demolition! I’m going through something very similar: recognizing what is truly meaningful to me in my life and focusing my time and energy on those things, not the things that have nothing to do with who I am as a person. I enjoyed your article.
Nacie,
Awesome post – takes a lot of courage to put this out there.
John
Thanks for the comments.
Hi Robert, I think that knowing who we are can help us be more welcoming to others (and so it helps us become less self-centred). This has been the case for me anyway. It’s when I’m uncertain and looking to others for cues that I am most self-centred. Trust this makes sense.
Hi Sheila, Good luck with it. I’d like to hear how you go.
Hi John, Thanks for your comment.
I did something similar. Seizing various opportunities years ago got me a great job that a lot of you reading this would dream of having – except it made me miserable. Much to the dismay of my husband and others, I opted for uncertainty. Although my husband has seen the light, others have not. To them, without the job title associated with a respected company, I’m no one. But I’ve reached the point where I feel sorry for them.
Great piece. Good luck to you.
Thanks Rhonda. My parents are still hoping that one day I’ll settle down/grow up/get a real job. I don’t see it as likely.
It’s so easy to give our power away to well-meaning friends and relatives who are too afraid to go after their own dreams. They attack ours so they can be right about their choices. We need to create a revolution of purpose and passion and the only way to do that is follow our hearts and do what makes us juicy! Thanks for the reminder. If you want any support in doing it your way, let me know! That’s what turns me on…empowering people to live their dreams–their way!
Thanks for your comment CK