Thriving in Your Situation

by Evan on 2009/08/11

I’ve just written a new eBook.

It is called Thriving in Your Situation. Buy it now by clicking here.

When I sat down to write it I wanted to be sure that what I had to say was really worthwhile. I thought I would write about how to be as happy as possible whatever situation a person you were in. If I could do that, then I was sure it would be something worthwhile.

I think I have found a way to do it. This way relies on some basic ideas:

  • That wherever we are, we are in a situation of some kind; which may be more or less healthy for us.
  • That we have needs and desires that can be met to a lesser or greater extent.
  • That we filter our situation so that we can get the good stuff and keep out the bad stuff.

Imagine a simple organism floating in the ocean. It seeks what it needs (even if it is as simple as sunlight) and moves away from what it doesn’t need. As organisms get more complicated they develop more sophisticated ways of getting there food (such as by hunting for animals). This is the process of life – finding nourishment and avoiding the poisonous or useless.

For us humans it is more complicated. To be healthy we need to be nourished not only by physical food but by our thoughts, feelings and relationships too.

Every living thing engages in this process of sorting out the nourishing and poisonous and has one or more membranes to do this job – the ‘skin’ of the organism. With humans this membrane is not just our skin but our discernment about thoughts and relationships, as well as much else. A healthy person is one who has a good ‘skin’ – they can sort out what is nourishing for them and what isn’t.

Seeing things in this way means that there are a couple of problems – our ‘skin’ can be too rigid (in which case it keeps out some of the good stuff or keeps in some of the bad stuff) or too loose (in which case it lets in some of the bad stuff and lets out some of what we need to keep in).

To get better at living means being neither too rigid nor too loose. Perhaps being too rigid has led you to miss an opportunity, exclude an idea that you found useful later, or limit a relationship. Perhaps being too loose has led to you being taken advantage of, or saying what you wished you hadn’t. To get a sense of living well; contrast these times of rigidity or looseness, with a relationship or activity that you have found quite nourishing.

This process of living well can apply to any aspect of our lives.

  • The physical such as food. Perhaps there are times when you overeat. At other times you may not eat enough (perhaps it is impolite to ask for a third helping even if you are still hungry). And then there are probably times when you eat food you like and feel satisfied.
  • The mental such as when we are learning. There are probably times when you have crammed for an exam and other times when you have craved mental stimulation. Then there are the times when you have enjoyed learning (perhaps about a hobby or other interest).
  • Perhaps there are times when being overwhelmed by emotion has led to you being dysfunctional, perhaps there are times when you have felt unable to connect with others emotionally. And then there are moments or relationships where the emotion flows naturally.
  • Spiritually we may be overly dogmatic or completely lacking in discernment so that we end up confused and dissatisfied. Then there are moments when we feel connected and nourished by spirit.
  • With our relationships we may find it all too easy to isolate ourselves or lose ourselves in the social whirl. Finding a balance in our social lives can be quite a challenge.

So there you have it – my formula for living well wherever you are: getting the good from your situation and keeping out the bad. The eBook is called Thriving in Your Situation. It is 28 pages (a little over 6000 words) filled with exercises so you can learn how to thrive wherever you are. Buy it now by clicking here.


Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could  you do with more joy in your life?

The answer is living authentically.  Buy the book or sign up for the course now  from my Living Authentically website.

I'm Evan Hadkins. I'm Evan Hadkins. To find out how to live a more satisfying life you can download my manifesto on living authentically. It is a book of exercises to guide you to finding, nourishing and living from the core of who you are.

If you would like me to write about some aspect of living an authentic life please don’t hesitate to get in touch. There is a box in the sidebar where you can leave a question anonymously if you wish, or you can email me, use the contact page, or comment on this post.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Nacie Carson August 12, 2009 at 12:56 am

Evan,

Congrats on the new ebook! We all could use a little help thriving in our situations, wherever we are in life.

Evan August 12, 2009 at 7:15 am

Thanks for your comment Nacie.

Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching August 13, 2009 at 3:37 am

Having a flexible skin or membrane, rather than one that’s locked in a response to past circumstances, is a helpful way to put these ideas. I think this is mirrored in the way we hold tension in the body — when one part is chronically tight, it’s as if our membrane is locked in a response to an old trauma and we need to gradually breathe into that place and open it up to make our “skin” responsive to our current situation.

Evan August 13, 2009 at 8:04 am

Thanks Chris, your right about the metaphor I’m sure. Breathing into a tight area has worked wonders for me. Thanks for contributing the idea.

isabella mori August 15, 2009 at 6:01 am

you’re such an inspiration, evan! yet another book! congratulations.

Evan August 15, 2009 at 8:04 am

Thanks Isabella, much appreciated.

WonderingSoul August 15, 2009 at 10:02 am

Hi Evan,
I just came across your blog and really like the way you write.
Interesting hearing a little of your journey in terms of how you got to the place you are now…
I’ll be reading a bit more tomorrow.
Thanks.

Evan August 15, 2009 at 10:26 am

Hi and welcome WS – love that name by the way. Glad you like what I write. Look forward to having you here.

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