Comments on: The Rough Guide to Self-Development Part One Introduction

By: Ivee Olivares

Ivee Olivares — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 16:23:01 +0000

Thanks for your helpful reply, Evan. Confidence being unintentionally undermined by a parent is a familiar theme to me.

I look forward to reading more from you. In the meantime, I will certainly chew on your words.

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 23:29:52 +0000

Hi Ivee, I’ll see what I can do.

In the meantime I have a couple of suggestions. I think perseverance comes from knowing we have some control. So it is about seeing that what you do can make a difference. So people often persevere with hobbies and sports for years – they see that they get better and that they can improve by training or developing the techniques of the hobby. Confidence can be about being good at something (which means finding a domain and learning about it) or feeling some sense of certainty about ourselves. This is often undermined (sometimes with all the best intentions) by parents: being impatient and showing us how to do something instead of letting us find out for ourselves, setting standards that are too high for us; and sometimes with bad intentions – abuse, demeaning us and so on. This leaves the person with a very nasty ‘parent in their head’ who needs to be dealt with (some kind of re-parenting where they decide that children – including ‘the child in their head’ – deserve nurture and care and set about learning what the child in them needs and giving it to them.

These are just generalities I know and may not relate to what you meant at all. If so I hope they can stimulate some thinking for you.

By: Ivee Olivares

Ivee Olivares — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 21:25:34 +0000

Thanks, Evan. Lately, I’ve been wanting to read more about how I can develop more faith in myself. But no pressure. Anything on perseverance and building confidence is good, too.

By: Evan

Evan — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 03:54:01 +0000

Hi Ivee, welcome. I hope you like the series. Any and all comments are most welcome. If you have anything you’d especially like me to deal with, let me know and I’ll see what I can do. Great to have you here.

By: Ivee Olivares

Ivee Olivares — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 22:51:53 +0000

Hi Evan. I just discovered your blog via Chris Edgar’s. I am looking forward to your whole self-development plan. It’s such a huge topic. Can’t wait.

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 23:05:43 +0000

Hi Mark, glad you followed me to the new location – it’s great to have you here. I’m glad you like Chris too.

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 23:03:23 +0000

Hi Karen, I do think that every story of recovery is different. I do think there are often common elements (though these can be a bit general and useless) like, the person being an active collaborator rather than a passive recipient of treatment.

Like you I think the body and mind are closely related (or two sides of the same thing). Thanks for your comment and visiting my blog. Hope to hear from you again sometime soon.

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 22:58:53 +0000

Hi Barbara, I do think conviction can be a problem. And knowing what fits probably does require experience (trying stuff out, often – in my experience anyway – it goes by the name of mistakes).

My approach is to try and give data from my own and other’s experience so that there is good reason for someone trying something, also to try and give the process so that people can investigage for themselves. This isn’t an answer by any means, just the best I’ve been able to come up with.

Like you I have one main approach and then do a bit of mix and match. Thanks for your comment, welcome to the new blog, good to have you here.

By: Mark

Mark — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 20:15:23 +0000

Evan,
Glad that you have successfully traversed your move and I look forward to all that you will offer here. I agree Chris Edgar’s writing is outstanding. Great choice to drive your readers to.

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 17:33:39 +0000

I had never really thought about the labels that are used for this type of thinking. But I agree wholly with your reasoning for choosing self development. I think sometimes I am guilty of thinking that I need self improvement!

I live with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and read a lot about recovering from this illness. I strongly believe there is a link between the body and the mind so I am always interested in ‘self development’ or psychological approaches to recovery. It never ceases to amaze me how different therapies/thinking/treatments work for different people. I know many people who have recovered from CFS-I intend to be one of them-but everyone’s story of how they got there is always completely different. People are truly fascinating!