I’ve just been through a difficult time with my family. Nothing dramatic in the grand scheme of things – nothing involving physical violence or sexual abuse or anything like that. I am still processing it. Here are the beginnings of my thinking and processing.
1. This self development stuff works. I haven’t been thrown by this stuff. I’ve lost my temper and some sleep but it hasn’t knocked me about in terms of clarity and values. I’ve been ok with feeling bad if that makes sense.
2. My vision of family is that members of a family are treated better than strangers; not worse. That the members’ needs are more respected than other people’s (or at least the same). That no one person’s needs prevail over others’ needs. For my Christian readers, and others interested, Jesus view on family is given in Mark 3:31-35 (it is rather different to the conservative view of family).
3. If someone ends their relationship with me without talking to me, I can be pretty sure they are not interested in truth. And that I am likely better off without these people in my life.
4. I have been extremely fortunate to be able to leave. And have been blessed to find an excellent rental.
5. Supportive friends are worth their weight in gold at times like this. (I don’t mean a cheer squad – especially at times like this it matters that you can be confident that people are being honest with you; and that they can be gentle in how they speak their truth. I am very blessed in the friends I have.)
6. If you think that you have been treated fucking outrageously and you say that you have been treated fucking outrageously, then; “You shouldn’t say ‘fuck’” is not an adequate response.
7. None of this is meant to be an attempt at justification of myself or my behaviour. I have no claim on perfection or superiority to anyone else. I hope it is useful and stimulating to you.
This is pretty fresh and undigested. Perhaps more is needed, I don’t know.
The next little while I’ll be settling in to my new place and getting organised, so may not be around in the blogosphere much. I hope to get back to this blog and the newsletter soon.
I realise this stirs up strong emotions but I didn’t feel like I could just let it all pass by in silence.
As always your comments are most welcome.
I'm Evan Hadkins. I'm Evan Hadkins. To find out how to live a more satisfying life you can download my manifesto on living authentically. It is a book of exercises to guide you to finding, nourishing and living from the core of who you are.
If you would like me to write about some aspect of living an authentic life please don’t hesitate to get in touch. There is a box in the sidebar where you can leave a question anonymously if you wish, or you can email me, use the contact page, or comment on this post.