I certainly couldn’t have done that as a child.

Maybe a different type of instance would give you an additional/ different view of how this learning seemed to take place. As a first grader we learned to sing a song at school. It wasn’t part of a music class, it was a patriotic song school kids learned, meant to be sung to celebrate an upcoming national holiday. The song kinda got stuck in my head as songs will do. One day I sat down at the old dusty piano in the corner of the basement and began picking out the notes of the song. I could hear them well enough in my head to match them to sounds of the piano keys. No one played the song at school, so I didn’t see it being played, nor did I know how to play piano. But my felt sense sort of had the resonance of the song as a feeling that stayed with me vividly enough. I guess then prompting me to go to the piano and recreate the sounds I heard.

I don’t actually identify as a visual person, at least not solely. But I do think there are a few reasons why I wrote this response (and often other writings) with emphasis on the visual. Mind you, I didn’t plan it that way, I simply wrote as if you and I were sitting together talking, me searching for my response to what you’ve expressed, maybe an answer or two to your questions.

I believe it’s said most people are visual, it is the most complex and sophisticated of our senses biologically. In this particular context, awareness of spirituality, seeing is believing seems to be a very important element. I do want my spirituality to have a concreteness in its expression. If visual is common to most than all the better to gear expression to that commonality.

The other thing that might have influenced what I wrote, worded ‘visually’, is my learning experience as a child. I learned a great deal via observation. I had little in the way of interaction, hands on training, even lacking someone giving me specific verbal instruction, in all kinds of things. For instance, I watched other kids riding their bikes and that was the greater part of my learning the skill. I guess I spent enough time visualizing before I got on the bicycle to have the learning and me succeed. I don’t recall falling off my bike as a part of my learning process, and if I did, it wasn’t repeatedly. It seemed I just sort of ‘did it’ when it was probably more mental rehersal and creation of the necessary feelingsfor the task. Of course the observation I was doing could include all my senses, and absolutely did. I’m positive I know what fear tastes like.

So if I had to narrow things down I’d have to say my stongest sense is a sense of cognizance, a sense of knowing, which I think of as a conglomeration of all my sensual input, since they certainly all contributed with possibly one emphasis or another depending on the activity. Maybe it is also why you observed my ability to perceive, that rings true to me, since my experience dictated I had to do the perceiving prior to doing.

This sense of knowing does have distinct downsides as well as benefit. I am often still paralyzed to try something if I’m not confident enough in my knowing that I can do it. Maybe haven’t seen whatever it is, heard it, felt it or imagined it quite often enough to try just yet.

In what you write I think you are very perceptive and articulate. If you come up with a better way of saying what you are after, I’d love to hear. Many thanks for your comment.

I think my biggest church influence was seeing someone as devout. It seemed to my young self if I could somehow accomplish what I was seeing, I too would be devout – aka a spiritual person.

I’m not sure my attitude has changed, but my definition of what devout looks like is no longer what the little girl thought comprised devout and had to include in order to qualify as devout.

I don’t disagree with your evaluation of a grounded spirituality as what I’d like to happen, but I’m not particularly found of that phrase, grounded spirituality. To me it implies I have to insert something, to either qualify the spirituality or make ‘being grounded’ into something else entirely. I suppose my word aversion also includes the fact I’ve been told for way too long how ungrounded I am, and have to admit to its truth too often.

I truly wish I had the words to paint the picture of what I can sense about how I want my spirituality expressed, what I want it to look like, since it seems to need to have a ‘look’ to distinguish it from mere mortal stuff. I’d also like it if there were no need to point out or point to something, having to say ‘see this here, this is my version of spirituality’. Rather, to have it just be, without frills or fanfare, but undoubtedly evident. I think that might go without saying anyway. I don’t think spirituality ‘well done’ needs attention drawn to it. I think we’d all know it if we saw it.

Maybe the best definition I can give right now is, a very certain variety of uninhibited useful expression. But that pales, seems vague and isn’t nearly well-crafted enough, considering what I’m attempting to define.